Dear Sir/ Madam/ Whatever,
I wish to apply to your organisation in the capacity of News Correspondent. I am currently working in this god-awful organisation called Sakaal Papers that is extracting every inch of blood from me without paying me adequately for my troubles.
Be that as it may, however, I have decided to up my market rate not in terms of the salary I expect, but in terms of designation. I am positively appalled by the numerous ghouls and silly-billies who are strutting around as Senior Correspondents and Special Correspondents without doing a single thing to prove that they deserve the designation.
Hence, if they can be promoted to an exalted Senior status, I believe so can I. Not only have I been doing stories to prove that I have some modicum of brains, I have the attitude and airs that can match a hike in position. Think about it.
Besides, if you're looking for biting sarcasm, a decent ability to not mince words, a halfway-there news sense and the brains to spot a news story from a distance of 100 metres or more of it happening, I'm your man.
And oh yes, the salary. I am not willing to negotiate with you on this. What I ask is what I expect to get. Not that it matters to you much, but I have a million plans that are not being fulfilled with the money I'm making right now.
Yours faithfully and all that.
p.s.: No, you're not sitting on my application, as you are guys are wont to do. If you're reading this right now, call me the next minute.